Moving to Chile has brought our family many new challenges such as dealing with the cold weather, everything being 10 times more expensive, drivers in Chile...don't even get me started (I need a post just how Chile is crazy, beautiful and frustrating all at the same time). But the most obvious and painful for me as mother has been seeing Luka singled out, on an almost daily basis.
Okay, 99% of the time people think they are being nice by coming up to Luka and telling him how "cute" he is or asking to take a photo (yes, this really happens)..but no people that is not cool! For the first couple of months it was amusing, but now Luka is TIRED of it. It has actually made him grow-up a little faster and stand up for himself. He now knows how to respond to folks in Spanish, English & Dutch (but we don't really use the Dutch) to say things like..
- Please don't touch my hair
- Please don't kiss me, I don't even now you.
- I don't like it when strangers hug me.
- I am from Mozambique and I am adopted.
I don't get it Chile..I know there aren't many black folks walking around, but this country is very educated and you must know that black people exist and you don't have to treat them like unicorns if you come across one.
Okay, enough venting and going off on a tangent..the reason for my post.
We have accepted that life in Chile for Luka will be different, but what I was finding hard to swallow are the comments and general remarks of ignorance he hears at school. It is an international school so surely it would be different from Santiago once he stepped inside the school. But for some reason kids, a year into the school year, still feel the need to ask him, "Why are you black?" I really hate that question. There is not an answer. It feels completely offensive. Why are you white? Recently he has also been challenged about the race of his parents and saying they had to be black...like him.Then of course he hears comments about his hair or lack there of the times we have shaved his head, or silly things like being called "negro" at recess or worse. I know kids are going to be cruel. I can't change that.....
But what I could do is be proactive and be my son's advocate (luckily he is still only 6 and still likes mommy to be his champion). So I met with the school (they have actually been great and proactive since our meeting) and we came up with step one...educate the six kindergarten classes on what it means to be adopted. It seemed like the logical first step. I had done this with his own class on his adoption day, but it never occurred to me to visit all of the kindergarten classes.
So that is what we did this week (still have one more class next week). Luka and I have been visiting every K2 class and reading our favorite adoption book that tackles these questions:
- Why did my biological mother give me up for adoption?
- What is adoption?
- Why do we have different color skin?
- When did you start to love me?
The book is great. Then we also printed family photos of our friends that have also adopted and shared those adoption stories in the classes.
Through this journey we found out 2 other kids in K2 are adopted. We knew about one, but didn't know about the little girl from China. Luka especially enjoyed hearing her story first hand. It was similar to ours in that the family was living in China before and after the adoption.
I think it has been extremely therapeutic for Luka to share his story with his peers and been given this special opportunity to be the star for 20 minutes. It has also allowed him to confront many of the kids that unknowingly or on purpose said things to him during recess/school that hurt his feelings. It is his way of saying..."You want to know why...this is why."
The kids have been great....not as many questions as I thought...but our message is coming through and you can even see in some of the kid's faces the moment it "clicks."
As parent it is imperative we teach our children that families come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Whether it is an adoption, skin color, having a single parent, same-sex parents or mixed race family that makes that family unique our children need to know that is "normal" and in the end we are all families that love each other, the only thing that varies is the journey we took to get there.